Ryemarkable Eileen O'Connor

Eileen Flood O'Connor, whose oldest child has an autism spectrum disorder, is the author of eating pizza backwards, and other adventures. This beautiful collection of essays, published in June 2025, spotlights and celebrates the unique perspective differently abled children offer all who love and care for them. Eileen brings honesty, humor and deep wells of gratitude to her stories of raising a special needs child alongside three younger brothers.

Tell us a little bit about you and your family:

I'm a writer and a mother of four and have lived in Rye for 17 years. We lived in the city prior to moving to Rye in 2008 - and before that we lived in London where our oldest two children were born. I am originally from Forest Hills, New York - Bill is from Bronxville - we met in the city at a bar called O'Flaherty's and have been married for almost 27 years. Irish luck ;)

We have a daughter and three boys. Erin, 24, our oldest, was born with a rare condition called Duplication 15 Syndrome, which causes developmental delays, autism and epilepsy. She was diagnosed when she was 22 months old. Erin has three younger brothers: Will, 22, who will be a senior at the University of Michigan, Patrick, 20 who will be a sophomore at Santa Clara and Jay, 18, who will be a senior at Brunswick. Erin currently attends a job and life skills day program in Greenwich called Abilis. 

eating pizza backwards, and other adventures is a collection of essays about the joys and challenges of raising a child with special needs. It covers many topics, from the shock of diagnosis, to the strain a special needs child can take on a marriage and sibling relationships, to the gratitude I feel for so many amazing people, (and one loving Black Labrador,) who have come into our lives because of Erin. In many ways it is a love letter to them - to all who have helped us along the way - and it's also a love letter to other parents and families traveling a similar road.

What has surprised you most about yourself, your marriage, or your children as you’ve navigated life with Erin?

Wow, everything and nothing? I don’t think I had any hard and fast visions of who I would be as a mom or as a spouse aside from hoping I’d be a good one. If pressed, I guess one surprise would be all the beauty, wonder and joy that can come of a very unexpected and challenging road. When we first learned of Erin’s diagnosis I never would have imagined all the kindness, generosity, tenderness and love a diagnosis like this would generate between us as a couple, as a family – and among our circle of friends.

So many moms put their own dreams on hold. What made you return to writing, and how did you give yourself permission to pursue it again?

I don't think I ever put my dreams on hold - maybe just pivoted for a time - or maybe it helps that what I always dreamed of doing is something I could do alongside raising children. I love writing and never really put that on hold - though I didn’t really start honing and publishing many of these stories until my youngest started school and Erin was in a more stable place. Much of her early years were dedicated to traveling around the city and then Westchester to therapy centers, specialized programs, and doctors offices. As the primary caregiver of a special needs child your time is really not your own - but that's not to say you completely forget what you love, what lights you up - and for me that was and is writing. Writing has always allowed me to process events, good, bad, funny. I've always kept journals, hashing out the details of my, and then our days. Writing and sharing stories is something I've always felt compelled to do. I am grateful to have more time now to dedicate to it though - and it's certainly more convenient and less expensive than therapy. ;)

How have your other children grown through being Erin’s siblings? 

I have seen them grow to be sensitive, empathetic young men. Having a sibling who is different, who might call attention to you or your family in a negative way, is not easy, but it allows your heart, mind and perspective to grow in ways it might never have otherwise. When the boys were younger they openly expressed frustration – which very much made sense. The title of the book, eating pizza backwards, was coined by my oldest son who expressed concern the first time he had a friend over for a playdate – he was worried Erin might act out or do something different – like “eat her pizza backwards.” But, as they do, the boys have grown, matured. They are protective of their sister and now mainly express only concern for Erin and her future.

They also are extremely perceptive and sensitive to others who experience similar challenges. They have all volunteered in special needs programs – two were ski instructors at an Adaptive Sports Program in Windham, New York. Ironically, Will, who worried about the play date, has been my greatest cheerleader in publishing this book, eager to share it with his friends and teammates. And Patrick dedicated an AP Art class to portraying Erin’s life through art. His painting, Mother and Daughter, serves as the book’s cover.

Is there one essay that was especially hard (or healing) to write?

Many were very cathartic. The “Letter to Myself on Diagnosis Day” forced me to look

closely at really the worst moment of my life – and examine it from every angle. It

moves from dark to light and back again and again...

So many of them evoked deep emotions - were sad, but so good to write – examining

our marriage, losing my dad, losing Erin’s service dog – but they very much flowed out.

One of the hardest to write was “Point to Happy,” about Will, the oldest boy leaving for

college and Erin staying home. It is obviously a milestone for every family, sending a

child away for the first time – which brings mixed emotions, sad they are leaving and

that this stage is over, but happy they can go. This was all compounded by the fact that

Erin is not and will never live independently. So that was and is hard.

What would you tell a parent just receiving a similar diagnosis for their child

today?

Take it one day at a time. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself emotionally, as I did at times. Focus on what you can do for your child now. It’s ok to be sad – but don’t wallow too long – the sooner you jump on therapies the better. Take it easy on yourself and each other. (I just spoke at a conference for families with Erin’s diagnosis and put together a whole list of things for parents to consider. The presentation is in my Substack post, “on love, loss and doing life differently.”)

Fun facts about Eileen?

I wrote poetry in college and was fortunate to study with Poet Laureate, Rita Dove. I can juggle – probably because I grew up playing tennis. I played tennis in college and taught for many years. I joined a service program after college and worked at a Food Bank in D.C.

Netflix shows, favorite books?

Just watched the Billy Joel documentary. Loved.

Favorite books: Good Night Moon, Go Dog Go, Hairy Maclary from Donaldson’s Dairy, Where Do Balloons Go, (because these are stand-alone fantastic children’s books and fun to read aloud) The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Charlotte’s Web, A Wrinkle in Time, A Prayer for Own Meaney, The Things They Carried, Catcher in the Rye, As I Lay Dying, The Color of Water, The Hours, A River Runs Through It, Tell Me Everything and Elizabeth Strout in general, Traveling Mercies and anything by Ann Lamott, anything by Annabel Monaghan

Something that would surprise us about you?

I did a shot of tequila with John Kennedy Jr. at a party in New York City a million years ago ;)